A Scanner Darkly


FORTUNATELY, depending on your point of view, i may be posting here more often, because it's safer, you already know things, and the impact is a bit less.

That i'll be looking at my LJ friends list more

guys... the tweets... i fucking hate tweets.... FUCKING HATE THEM....
i type... a LOT... i have to put background... context... story... setup... whatever in my posts... Tweets, for me, basically designed for people horrifically defficient in attention spans.  and who create stupid ass acronyms, that i have to google.  does this make me old?  no.  you're fucking stupid.  also, get off my damn lawn.

SO,,, going to start removing people who's only posts on LJ are a check mark in their fucking shit twitter that says "oh, hey, also bother livejournal people with your shit."

just a heads up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Scanner Darkly

I may try to go back, to the before time... to the long long ago...

AND if you wanna come with me.. PLEASE be my guest.
i'll probably have to start removing people who just copy their tits, ... twits here on lj.  cause... well... hate twitter... always have... so... if YOUR audience is satisfied by half a well thought out sentance, then... hey, ya'll have fun over there in twtiverse.  i really dont care to see your shit thoughts.

however... if you want to expound... and ... enunciate...
hell yeah... i'm game...
A Scanner Darkly

well, damn... on a runaway train...

where do you go when you wanna type shit, but dont want to catch shit?
that's LJ now.

secure knowing that very few will read, and those few either knowl.. or are bots.  HELLO BOTS

REALLY dont know why i'm existing.  i had excuses before, i've run out of them, or the've been unceremoniously wrenched from me, in the words of "gods plan".

so, i'm here.  i'll do this thing i do each day, and i'll look forward to the weekends, where i'll spend the majority of the time sleeping, BECAUSE, my dreams... are far more epic than usual life,

i lived 4 different things last weekend.  each pretty epic.
i'll keep going to this weekend. and see what i can dream.
A Scanner Darkly

oh... so... like... here...

QWER!@#R!@#$%!@%@#$^#$^#$^#!$%!@!@#$%!WO:rji]pqsofj'zdvm/.zx,cm v/.zxc,nvgl;asdjk;aslvn./xcm,vn;laskjfgEJFN;lzxm<cx>m<cVN;welkfgn;ELWJKFN;slkDFHN[RY8

ah, HEY... better... and everyhthing i feel , i feel for u
Hey... u... if you want somnething... need something...feel something... do... what happens, isthere a form u fill out?
A Scanner Darkly

lookslike.. im back here for a bit


so, not much has changed.
some names changed

i've lost.. omi... kristen... jen.... welshmaiden

too many f'ing heathers to countmad

i think that i can confidently say that i've  completed my goal, of being like Sam
i greq up watching cheers, and as a lil virgin kid... Sam... OMG... he was what i wanted to be... the ideal...

probably made that.

i have met a girl,.... so far... she ... seems... like she knows and accepts me.
lols, but dont we know, that's only a lit fuse

Amy?  wow... instead of my light..she's... becoming dark.which iso  worrying.
i honestly do not know what to do.  i have a sense thqat as soonon as a decision is made, there will be a change out of my  control

and that worries me.  to the point, to where, i can make no decisions
whyt... can... n't... he just .. die?  he's sssooo fat... and unhealthy.. he should die soon... shouldn't he?  i'm ... becoming more ...

OH, right, lil miss bitch unfriended me... casue i foudn out that she did amy's hair...ALMOST made a meet... and so, honestly, i'm probablhy just a stalker now... stalking the woman who professed her undyhing love to me, so funny.

oh, and jon, and emily unfriended on FB... i guess i finally found their breeking point.
curious.  i didnt think i'd ever find HIS.  but i guess i was wrong, as i am often.  the one person i thought true, and constant.  fallen.  like a fucking lil bitch.  such a shame
A Scanner Darkly

it used to be the place where i posted to interact

and now its where i post to unburden, without too much fear of many seeing it.

trance after trance.

yesterday, i was in second grade.  i dont remember any teachers names.  i remember advanced class in elementary school, the day we tried tofu.  it wasn't good.
i remember my parents telling me that we'd have to go to public school. after moviing to alabama.
yesterday, i remember, getting pissed off... at some slacker in computer class
i remember a girl feeling ill, exusing herself from home-ec, walking a couple feet out the door of the class, and collapsing.
yesterday i was in vegas...for comdex... and then driving home
today, i'm here, listening to Giant Sand.

tomorrow is a very long long way way... but.. tomorrow i'll look back... and think... yesterday... i could walk, i could stand, i cold speak, breathe, and live.

but that's tomorrow... today is now, yesterday is forever, and when i reach tomorrow, it will be a million years from now.  but i'll look back at a few glimpses of today, and think... wow, just yesteday.
A Scanner Darkly


so, what is this.
have a "good" day... fixed a bunch of crap...
got home... did some things...
listened to some music
drank a few drinks
.38 in your lap
everything is going pretty well.. new'ish car, great job!
nice tv
house, where you can listen to shit really really loud cause there's no one here to piss off
going to go to work again tomorrow
u know you are
maybe something interesting tomorrow
who knows!!
and, hell... if not... there's always going to be the .38 in your lap
and if you're smart.
the 357
but, there's a chance there will be something interesting tomorrow, right?
always a tomorrow?
A Scanner Darkly

somewhere i just woke up

somewhere i just woke up

opened my eyes, i looked around.
somewhere i just rubbed my eyes and i smelled you
i just looked down and i couldn't belive that i saw your indentation in the bed.
somewhere i was just wracked with panic and fear and then... and then relief
because even though you weren't there, i know you are close.
somewhere my feet just hit the carpet and my ears opened for sounds of you
and i heard you. shuffling.. muffled clinking... somewhere i knew these sounds were you

somewhere i stood up, confident that in the next room i'd fined you.
i just tip toed into the hallway, eager to surprise you.
i just crept down the hallway, my ears filled of sounds of you.

somewhere i just saw your shadow... and was reminded that it belongs to you.
somewhere, inside, i screamed for you, and then saw you, and was happy.

but right now, here, all i am is awake. and dreaming.